Journal entry by megan steele — Sep 14, 2019
Growing up, I remember sitting in church with my parents and suddenly all the beautiful smells of a potluck would come wafting up into the sanctuary. My stomach would start to growl and I was definitely not hearing anything in the service from that point on. As a kid, I had one motive on these special occasions. How to be first in line. Like, how much longer, pastor? We good? I NEED to see what’s on the dessert table!!
I feel the same way at work. Once a month, kids are dismissed early and teachers spend the afternoon in trainings. But that lunchbreak in between? Staff potluck. We are adults now, so we’ve learned how to increase the veggies and lower the carbs so we can justify our gluten free dessert table. 😆 We label pasta salads “Mediterranean”, because that’s healthier. But I can still smell it coming from the office where I work… I came prepared with stretchy pants. There are certain staff members that make certain dishes that I’m gunning for. Are the kids gone yet? What?? You’re mom forgot it was early dismissal and it’s going to take another hour for her to get here??? NOOOOO! I’ll be LAST in line Lynette’s pasta salad will be gone!!! A tiger can’t change her stripes, man.
I know potlucks gross some people out, but you can’t scare me. I work in the health room in an elementary school office. I’ve made it this far haven’t I? BUT, I am sad to say, no more community food for this girl for a while. Now, I have to watch allll the potential for germs and bacteria. The sharing of spoons in casseroles, the temperatures and “doneness” of meats and eggs. Guys, I can’t even sneak raw cookie dough. Honestly. No more potlucks. And it’s not just the food. It’s the silverware, the doorknobs, light switches, the air… Don’t even get me started on the cat. I am now a germaphobe. I will be the one wearing a face mask in public if airborne illness is afoot. (Oct-January? There may be a germ or two to contend with.) But thanks to a generous gift, my face mask be stylin’! Did I mention where I work?
My job is probably the thing that has me the most stressed out. I am the front desk. Every bodily fluid, every sick germ, all of it. I’m the point of contact for each and every one of them until I send them back into the health room. And if the health assistant is unavailable, I’m the one taking their temperature, helping them with their bloody nose, reminding them, for the love, to please cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze. Also, when they need to call home, kids don’t know how to use our archaic push button phones, so there’s a lot of handing the receiver back and forth, etc. Eww. I have an amazing team that I work with, and we’ve come up with some fabulous compromises that seem like they could work. I’ll go in a couple days a week when my immune system is at it’s peak. But I’m still scared. Any fever over 100.4, which I would normally just rest in bed for, will land me in the hospital. Everything else, I believe I can handle. Going back to work is the thing that has me the most concerned. But I know God is completely aware of all of this. I know he sees me and cares about what’s happening, and he’s had my back this far. I make a choice every 5 minutes- Do I give in to fear, or do I trust Him with the outcome of all of this? Some moments, my faith is weak and tiny. And this is OK. I know God can work with weak, tiny, inconsistant faith. Jesus tells us, “…if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” So, for those of you that are the prayin’ kind, can we pile our mustard seeds together and pray a hedge of protection around my immune system for these next 4 months? I would soooo appreciate that. I know those moments when my faith feels super small, others of you stand in that gap for me and I can’t thank you enough!
In the meantime, I’ve got my Target shopping list for the weekend: My own toothbrush cup, a truckload of paper towels for hand-washing (no community towels, either), stir-sticks for coffee, environmentally friendly (but effective) disinfecting wipes… It’s a whole thing. 😏 I’ll get my port put in Monday, make my 3 day debut back to work (while I can still rock this hair cut and have an immune system), and then the next week, I’ll get started on this Phase 2 of kicking cancer’s butt.
