Journal entry by megan steele — Aug 22, 2019
Today was radiation oncology day. I was asked twice, by both the doctor and the nurse, how I am doing. People ask me how I’m doing all the time. But today I made a discovery. I fell apart a little bit both times I was asked, and I think it’s because I didn’t have to “protect” them from my internal struggle. They are here to protect me, so I guess honesty showed up in the version of tears? I really do think I’m “ok” most of the time. Again, I’ve never done this before. With the exception of my wisdom teeth, I’ve never even had surgery before. It’s the overwhelming idea of the actual surgery day and the treatment that will follow that’s got me all twisted up. I’d also like to hear the term “clear margins” when all is said and done. I’d like to experience a normal day where cancer isn’t the main topic in my mind. I haven’t had one of those in a while.
But God has placed some unlikely events and people in my path that continue to be so reassuring. For example, a couple of friends, similar in age, who have gone or are going through this same thing. Their experience and insight has been so helpful! Knowing a few things to expect is the closest thing to control I can experience right now. 🙂 In fact I just had dinner with a friend who is only 3 weeks ahead of me in all this. We will likely be going through radiation at the same time!… There is a café/coffee shop in the building we have been spending all our time in, so we can actually have little radiation dates if we want to! Little gifts like this are nice. I’m not happy she’s going through this too, but I am happy to have a buddy to relate to. And I am so grateful for all of the helpful “heads ups” she’s been able to provide!
And the outpouring of love and encouragement from my friends and family is off the chart. I am speechless! Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment and Monday is the big day. As long as there are no surprises and everything happens the way we are predicting, radiation will happen, likely, beginning to mid October. Every day, Monday through Friday, probably for 4 weeks. If they discover it’s spread a little further than predicted or I don’t have clear margins, etc, the plan will change. But I’m going to remain optimistic that I can be on the other side of this by Christmas.
I’ll be taking 2 weeks off work after the surgery. I will have very limited mobility during that time and might go a little stir crazy. Or, I might just enjoy a good book and some Netflix. Who knows. But, if you’re in the neighborhood, feel free to stop by. My love languages are nature, coffee, sharp wit, quality time and deep theological discussions… Ha!
