“If it’s available to you, bring your arms up, stretching above you, until you find your edge.” My students will often hear me say things like this during a yoga class. It means that when we move a certain way, it will look different for me than it will for you. I can’t tell you where your edge is, but you recognize it when you feel it in your own body. I teach that, in yoga, pain is not ok, however, discomfort is. It’s ok to sit in discomfort for a little bit, and we all could use a little more practice in doing so. Finding your edge means coming right to the end of your comfort zone and going just a little beyond without injury.
Another definition that the Miriam Webster dictionary acknowledges: “ …having a bold, provocative, or unconventional quality”.
This past month, as I’ve come upon my 3rd “cancerversary”, I have come to the realization that my mojo appears to be returning. I believe I’ve found my edge in every sense of the word.
I’ve sat in the discomfort of a body that doesn’t navigate things the way it used to, learning a new way of eating I didn’t used to value, changing my priorities and the pace at which I tend to them. I’ve also sat in the discomfort of several different haircuts, that I liked, but not really sure what I’m “supposed to ” look like now.
As I’ve been completely taken apart, trying to figure out how to put myself back together- After months of struggling with mental health, weight gain, and nearly believing that “this is just the way it will be from now on,”… I turned a corner. I found. my. edge.
After a wonderful appointment with a plant-based physician, I was set on a path that set me up for success in the aches and pains department, the weight department, and the overall feeling good department, the rebuild began. I have lost 20 pounds so far, and can walk again! My fatigue seems to have subsided (really hoping this sticks!) and my heart feels lighter.
It might sound silly to the average bystander, but my hair was also causing an identity crisis. I really liked having edgy short hair. And, I missed my long hair. Then I remembered… I’m no stranger to “pretend hair”. I played around with an edgy undercut, and added a pretend ponytail, and voila! It’s old me and new me combined and it’s exactly perfect! So now I know what my goals are for my real hair!
And, I FINALLY get to teach in-person yoga and KNOW this is what the new me was made for. It has given me a new sense of purpose.
My shop now contains a Street Cred Yoga t-shirt. All proceeds will help me fund/build/maintain a resource library for the Salem Cancer Institute, and it is a passion project I am so excited about!
So, all this to say, I reached the limit of my comfort zone. Very much so. And I was pushed beyond it, but without injury. I have found my edge. I have been and continue to be put back together. I’ve learned to let God give the direction, to quit stepping ahead of Him and to enjoy the ride instead of finding ways to worry about the ride.
And what a ride it’s been!
Check out my breast cancer resources page.