Yesterday was a small victory for me. I am halfway through Chemotherapy. The first four of my treatments are one type of cocktail and the last four will be a different type. These first four were no picnic and #3 was ROUGH! Some adjustments were made for yesterday’s treatment and so far, so good. The fact that I’m journaling right now is huge.
I have adrenal fatigue which comes from living a lot of my adult life in a fight-or-flight mode. A lot of anxious thoughts, over-thinking, my job, etc. Hearing this made me realize it is time to address these things. I also realize it likely played a part in what got me here today. It’s not the type of thing I can solve on my own, and after hearing this from her I know it’s time to get some outside help. Whether counseling to gain different strategies, meds, whatever… But anxiety is another thing I put on the back burner, just like mammograms- I’ll get to it when I get to it. My perspectives have obviously changed.
So that’s me addressing fear and mental health. When I’m all done beating cancer, anxiety will be next on my list. I consider myself an optimistic person. And I do want to filter everything from a “Love God, Love People” perspective. My spirit so wants to come from a place of love, but in my head there is a lot of fear-combat. In Romans, Paul talks about how the things he wants to do he doesn’t and things he doesn’t want to do he does. The spirit is willing and the flesh is weak.
Again, it’s in my weakness that God’s strength is showcased. I can feel quite flattened these days. It amazes me when someone tells me if they didn’t know what was going on underneath, they’d have no idea just by looking at me. That is 100% God’s grace, because lemme tell ya! there’s a lot going on in this mortal body these days. I can’t wait to be myself again. BUT, being halfway through chemo means a better version of my normal self is that much closer!
